What's Your Sign?

Happy new year, your horoscope might have changed.

Apparently your old one wasn't good enough.

Gawker and StoolLaLa report:

Astronomers have restored the original Babylonian zodiac by recalculating the dates that correspond with each sign to accommodate millennia of subtle shifts in the Earth's axis. Prepare to have your minds blown, all you people with easily blowable minds.

Here is the zodiac as the ancient Babylonians intended it—with the dates corresponding to the times of the year that the sun is actually in each constellation's "house"—according to the Minnesota Planetarium Society's Parke Kunkle:

Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16.
Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11.
Pisces: March 11-April 18.
Aries: April 18-May 13.
Taurus: May 13-June 21.
Gemini: June 21-July 20.
Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10.
Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16.
Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30.
Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23.
Scorpio: Nov. 23-29.
Ophiuchus:* Nov. 29-Dec. 17.
Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20.

* Discarded by the Babylonians because they wanted 12 signs per year.

I'm still the same. Decemeber 17th- Sagittarius. But then I could be Ophiuchus too. WTF.

What if I got a tattoo that said Sagittarius? But now I'm an Ophiuchus too? I'm too confused. This shouldn't be allowed.

That's like just saying the earth is actually flat, JK.

The good news is that the symbol for Ophiuchus is a dude with a big serpent in between his legs. Very suggestive. Good conversation starter, if anything.


Whatever. Everyone memorize your new star sign in case you need to answer a pick up line properly in the near future.